Detail: 24-07-2022 - JackCz

Result: W
The captaining specialist batsmen of recent English history, either through form (Morgan) or something more inexplicable (Root), have been less than fruitful. Good thing, I thought to myself when receiving an unexpected offer from Jenks to captain the Blues for the first time, that I picked up my first two Blues wickets on my last visit to the Barnes grounds - all rounders seem to be faring much better at this captaincy lark.

Despite starting with the gift of a rare week of 14 availabilities (with ambiguity from Jenks as to whether this was to ease me in) and then losing Keats and Wardly early doors, it was clear that potentially my greatest challenge was entertaining the Blues WhatsApp Chat on Monday. Trying to keep up with a professional sports writer and seemingly professional dosser with endless free hours on a Monday (and Fyfey assured me any other day), drafting a short novel was going to be a challenge - yet here we are.

To set the scene for all you 'unavailables': in the midst of London burning, the Barnes pitch had taken a hit (and experienced significant neglect) and we arrived at what can only be described as Barnesemabad. The opposing captain (and sometimes Blue), Jack, hurriedly reapplied the crease lines whilst the Blues were busying themselves with glam. We proudly dressed up in our new stash with the 'look good, play good' mantra firmly on our lips and our hips.

Although opting to bat first remains largely un-Blues, upon winning the toss and with 'what would Bazball do' front of mind, Cef and Jenkins Jr were summoned to the dustbowl to face the new ball. Despite a positive start, and an almost run-a-ball 10, Ed played a defensive shot that trickled back onto his stumps, as nervous sweat trickled down me. At this point, only overhearing the usually bowl-first Glenn muttering 'to be fair, batting is probably the right call' whilst we'd been changing was keeping me positive.

Ed had barely made it to the boundary when he was brutally collared by his older brother and sent immediately back out into the middle - where he remained umpiring for the remaining 30 odd overs. We then settled into Robbo and Cef's attritional cricket, straight from the Rahul Dravid playbook. 12 overs later, as we approached 50 runs and a similar number of heckels to up the pace, we saw the first of what was to become the talking point of the day: a dodgy bounce bumping Cef's bottom edge and sending him packing for a 42 ball 14. The drinks break that followed immediately saw some sideline excitement, with contrasting opinions between Cef and Brando about whether the lacker had been sensibly taken off the ball or whether those on the boundary were nearing death by boredom. I'll let you guess who said what.

When Sam and Brando headed back out, the Bazball attitude was front of mind once again (and Cef's warning a distant memory). Unfortunately, Robbo's attempt to advance the scoring saw him being bowled for 14, and Jenks Sr made 0 off 2 before scooping up a kind caught and bowled third ball to a school old boy. Very kind and nothing more to add on that one.

Brandon's 15 off 13 included a nonchalant flick off his hip over square leg for six. This seemed to settle the debate with Cef...before the bounce undid him and he was bowled. The sideline situation was avoided as Cef thankfully opted not to reinforce his point after seeing Brandon's face as he left the pitch.

On the precipice of yet another infamous Blues batting collapse, I, Captain, was feeling somewhat nervous at the crease. While I was just about dealing with the up-and-down bounce, Fyfey was playing a different game to most, going on to score an impressive 31 off 29. Having steadied the ship, and with the opening bowlers back on and some inspiring guidance (from myself) along the lines of 'we should probably get a move on', I was quickly dismissed losing an off stump.

Jimmy Leworthy picked up where I'd left off, keeping Fyfey on strike to muscle the bowlers around - but he too was eventually beaten by the ground, taking the pressure Lbw decision off Jenks Jr by immediately heading for the sheds.

Jimmy Howe, determined to prove his worthiness of higher batting than his namesake at the other end, got a quick 5 off 7, but perished behind to a sharp 'keeping catch, and was swiftly followed by Zain (c&b), giving Nokes a hat-trick chance.

Glenn, usually on the other side of these occasions, was delighted to spoil their party and set up Leworthy for the final over. With Fyfe muttering 'he does know it's the final over right', after three sighteners he finished the innings with a flurry of three 4s, crucial late innings runs. The feeling was, that with the pitch deteriorating and showing hugely variable bounce, 170 was a decent score. The Blues secret weapon, Extras, taking the lead with 48 - savage on Jack who had a tough afternoon behind the stumps.

What followed was 8 overs and 43 runs of incredible frustration, as Glenn and Leworthy went to work on the opening pair with a combination of dangerous swing, several aggressive bouncers and lots of excitement in the field. It was Glenn who eventually made the breakthrough that his bowling this season has often deserved but not got: cleaning up the openers stumps and soon after the no3 that followed, finishing with 2-30 off 7.

Fyfey and Jimmy Howe were next on and were greeted to their respective sets by the oppo's dangerous batsman Max. Despite the ball taking some detours around the ground, with 7 overs comprising 60 odd runs, Fyfey managed to trap Max in front for the key wicket - another gracious man who didn't feel like putting pressure on the umpire and took his leave. England love to herald their 'Spin Twins' but with our Sri Lankan looking pitch finally showing why we'd batted first, the combination of Fyfey, the returning mystery spin of Zain (after a Blues hiatus of a few years), with a fantastic 3-16 return from 4, and finally Brando doing his best Shane Warne impression (that looked a lot more like Brett Lee to most) to complete the 'Spin Triplets', we were beginning to tie the opposition in knots. A quick note on the Blues fielding - sometimes maligned - but in this case spot on (save one Robbo drop, who redeemed himself with a much more difficult chance soon after) resulting in 35 fewer extras, which in turns out was the game.

Despite continuing to score at a decent 4-5 an over, utilising the swift outfield, the wickets began to fall a little slower than dominoes. It was only when a shout from the boundary came on that I, the Captain, was reawakened from blissful musings about the match report, to learn that the oppo only needed 25 to win. Ignorance is bliss it turns out.

What followed will (or perhaps should) go down in Blues folk-law: our former fast-bowling token Aussie switched between fast bouncers, hanging 'leg spin' long hops and off spin that Murali would have been proud of. This was much to the disdain of one of our travelling support (also his girlfriend) who said afterwards 'that's the last I'll hear of your shoulder complaints'.

After an opening over of looseners, regret was creeping in, but I need not have worried. First came a hat-trick chance, featuring a fantastic catch from Fyfe at leg slip for the second, that then saw all 11 Bluesmen within touching distance of the batsman. Jenks Sr had time to add in a quick maiden over, 0 runs scored and zero conceded off 1 - a runless day out some might say - before Brando struck again to clean up the innings.

After a match played in great spirits both teams enjoyed a long rehydrating debrief in the always fantastic Red Lion. Fyfey picked up our man of the match, top scoring (after the Extras) with 31 and picking up a key wicket at a crucial time and despite the onslaught early in his innings ending up with an economy of 4 and figures of 1-29 off 7.

Brandon had the honour of being both the oppo's Man of the Match and our Dick of the Day for his 'slow bowling' performance - 15 runs and 4 wickets for 10 off 2.1 being not a bad day out. As he was driving we relented on the second pint and Jenks Sr kindly stepped forward to finally make a contribution to the day.

Thanks to all who were involved in a victorious day!

[updated 17 11 2022]